The one that got away (Steve x Reader) One-shot

It was an extraordinary hot day in august and the warm rays of the sun heated up your peach colored skin. Drops of sweat ran down the sides of your cheek as you waved a piece of paper in front of your face in an attempt to create a cool gush of wind.

You had been standing in front of the Smithsonian museum for quite some time now, but your target still hadn’t shown up yet. You checked your watch for the second time in just a minute and sighed, seeing that the time was still the same.

From behind your sunglasses you observed all the people that entered the building. Ordinary, everyday people that had no idea what kind of things were really going on in the world. They just went to work, paid their taxes and lived their lives. They had absolutely no idea. You smiled thinking about it.

You had been a HYDRA agent for several years now, recruited from a very young age and molted into something the American government could only dream of having. You were not just a soldier or a spy. No, you were much, much more. You didn’t care about anyone or anything. Your training and years of solitary confinement had made you dull to any kind of emotion. You didn’t even care about your own life or that of your father, who had put you up to this in the first place. He made you call him baron, just as all the other agents, but you couldn’t really be bothered.

You were just about to call it a day, when the person you had been waiting for all day, finally showed up. As he walked up the stairs he pulled his baseball cap even further over his face and entered the museum without even looking around him. This was going to be a piece of cake.

You quickly followed him and walked into the museum. You paid for your ticket and made your way into the large open hall. You had to admit that it was a beautiful and grotesque building. In your youth you hadn’t been to many places other than the cell downstairs in the basement of your father’s house. You often took the time to admire ordinary things like this to try to make yourself feel human again. Most of the time, however, it didn’t work.

You walked around the exhibition on Captain America, following your target around as inconspicuous as possible. You reached for the syringe with poison in the pocket of your jacket and took in a deep breath as you closed in on the man that was standing in front of one of the information boards, staring up to the image of one of the fallen soldiers: James ‘Bucky’ Barnes. You knew him under a different name.

You pulled the sunglasses from your face and bumped into the man. You let yourself drop to the floor, faking a hurt look on your face. You didn’t perceive yourself to be pretty, but most of the men you had encountered – in other words: killed – had always told you otherwise. You were almost certain this man wouldn’t be any different. He would offer you a drink and when you would have him alone, you would kill him.

‘Ma’am, are you alright?’ the man asked, his deep blue eyes looking at you worriedly.

You faked a smile and let him pull you from the floor. ‘I’m fine! I wasn’t looking where I was going. I’m so sorry.’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ he smiled back, looking into your eyes. ‘Are you sure you are alright. That was a nasty fall.’

You nodded. ‘Just a few bruises. Nothing that will kill me. Wait a minute, aren’t you…’ You looked from him to the large picture on the wall behind you. ‘Captain?’

‘Shush,’ he laughed. ‘Yes, I’m Steve. I like to come here sometimes to look at everything that I missed.’

‘Of course. Don’t worry, you’re secret is safe with me. My name is [Name].’

You shook hands and he smiled at you again. It made you feel weird, but you quickly composed yourself and smiled back. Why wasn’t he asking you to go out for a drink?

‘Nice to meet you, [Name]. Have a great day.’

He let go of your hand and turned away from you, leaving you standing in front of the information board, thinking about what had went wrong.

‘Wait!’ you cried after him, quickly trying to think of something before he would walk away from you again. ‘I don’t normally do this, but would you like to go out for a drink? A cup of coffee perhaps? I know this really nice coffee place, which is only a few blocks away.’

Steve frowned, seemingly thinking if it was a good idea to go for a cup of coffee with a complete stranger. After a few seconds, however, he seemed to have made up his mind and nodded.

‘Sure, I could use some coffee.’

You followed him outside the building, all the while talking about everyday things. He asked you what kind of work you did and you made up something about a non-existing law firm. He seemed to believe you and you in turn asked what he had been up to after the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. You of course already knew the answer to that question – he had been hunting agents like you down – but you had to keep the conversation going. At least until you could get him alone.

In the cafeteria you ordered two coffee – for which Steve insisted to pay – and you seated yourself outside in the sun. You actually liked the warmth the sunrays spread over your skin and as you were sitting on the terrace, the sun shining in your face, you actually felt like a normal twenty-five year old – for as far that was possible.

‘So, Steve, tell me,’ you started after taking a sip of the steaming coffee. ‘Do you always get coffee with girls that bump into you?’

He laughed softly. ‘Not really. I usually go alone.’

You thought you heard sadness in his voice and a part of you wanted to feel bad for him – for losing everything he loved back in the 1940’s – but the other part pulled you back to reality and told you to stay focused on your mission. The mission the winter soldier had failed at and you were tasked with finishing. No matter what would happen, Steve would be dead before night fall.

‘No misses Rogers then, I assume?’

He shook his head. ‘I’m starting to doubt there ever will be.’

You frowned. ‘What do you mean? You’re a handsome guy. I’m sure you’ll find someone someday.’

‘Can I ask you something?’ he suddenly spoke seriously. ‘What would you do if everyone you ever cared about died? Would you still find new people to care about, just to see them die again?’

You thought about that for a while, staring at the black liquid in your cup. You didn’t even like coffee. How you were able to keep a straight face while drinking the disgusting, bitter fluid, was even a riddle to you.

You sighed, thinking he was right. You didn’t know how he felt – you had never cared about anyone enough to morn their death – but you could imagine the pain someone must feel if everyone they cared about would die.

‘So you intent to stay alone for the rest of your life?’ you asked him instead after several seconds of silence. ‘Seems to me like a lonely life. What is it that they say: it’s better to have loved and to have lost, than to have never loved at all?’

‘Maybe… What about you then? Do you have someone you call yours?’

You swallowed hard, shaking your head. ‘Love doesn’t fit into my plan…’

‘Your plan?’ Steve frowned, laughing softly. ‘What do you do then when you fall in love?’

‘I’ve never had to deal with that before,’ you whispered, thinking about the life you had lived, or better said: not had lived.

‘You’ve never been in love?’

You shook your head. ‘Love is just a distraction. It refrains you from the things that are truly important in your life.’

‘Which are?’

‘Depends on the person…’

You looked into each other’s eyes and you tucked your hair behind your ears. You suppressed the urge to smile at him and instead bit your lip.

‘So you’re telling me you’ve never…’ Steve swallowed hard, seemingly not wanting to say a certain word. ‘Really?’

A shiver went down your spine as you heard him speak those words. No, you had never been intimate with a man (or woman). Not even close. Your missions always required a different skill set. You had been taught to be charming and to get men into your bed, but they would always already be dead before it got that far.

You had never felt the need to anyway. You had always considered kissing and sex to be part of the whole love thing – something you didn’t understand – and since you weren’t planning on falling in love anytime soon, you would also not be kissing anyone.

‘If that makes me weird, so be it.’

‘No,’ Steve quickly said. ‘It doesn’t make you weird. I think it makes you special.’

‘But you want it,’ you said seriously. ‘You want love. You crave it, but you’re afraid you’ll get hurt again.’

‘Isn’t everyone? You can tell me all kinds of things, but I don’t believe that you don’t want someone to love, or just to love you. That’s what everyone wants, isn’t it?’

You looked at him, not sure what do say. This man made you feel strange. Why was that? He asked you questions you didn’t know the answers to, even though you praised yourself to have a lot of knowledge, to know the answer to every question that was ever asked you.

‘You’re just as scared as I am…’

He made you doubt yourself. Doubt who you were and would always have to be. Was he right? Were you just scared to let someone love you? Scared you might actually love them back and your father would make you kill them?

‘I-I need to go,’ you mumbled, overwhelmed with emotions you thought you no longer had. In fact, never had.

You pushed yourself out of the chair, leaving your half-finished cup of coffee on the table. What the hell was going on? Why weren’t you able to pull yourself together and just focus on your mission? Was it the way he smiled at you? The way he made you feel as he looked deep into your eyes? His voice?

No, you told yourself. No. Your father was going to punish you if you didn’t finish your mission. He would lock you back up in that cell and experiment on you. He would send another, better agent to kill Steve and he – or she – would succeed where you had failed.

No. You had to do this yourself. You had to pull yourself together and just do it. You had never cared for anyone. Not for the men that were more handsome than Steve, more sweet… (if that was even possible) and not even for the men that had pleaded for their lives and had thrown themselves at your feet. You hadn’t cared. Not once… Why would Steve be any different?

Before you could turn around, however, Steve took you by the hand and pulled you towards him, pressing a kiss on your lips. You were taken off guard, feeling his soft lips on yours. You let him pull you even closer to him and fold his arms around you. You let your hands rest at his chest, feeling his heart beat uncontrollably – in sync with yours.

You didn’t know how long you had been standing there in Steve’s arms, kissing, as the sun heated up your cheeks. After a while, Steve pulled away from you, letting his lips linger. He let his forehead rest against yours as he cleared his throat.

‘I’m sorry about that…’ he smiled. ‘I’m not usually like this. I just… I couldn’t let you walk away like that. I’m sorry if I went too fast.’

A smile curled your lips, looking into his eyes. ‘No, it’s okay.’ You raised your hand up to his cheek and pressed a kiss on his lips. ‘I needed this. Let’s get out of here,’ you said seriously, looking around you, knowing your father would be watching over you, making sure everything went according to plan.

You couldn’t kill Steve. Not anymore. You didn’t know how or why it had happened, but you had actually started to care about him. The only way he would make it out alive, was if you would be able to outsmart your father. But he had taught you everything you knew… How were you going to get out of this?

‘And go where?’ Steve frowned. ‘You didn’t even finish your coffee.’

‘I’m suddenly not in the mood for coffee anymore…’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘Just walk with me, please?’

Steve looked at you suspiciously, but still followed you as you pulled him with you. For the first time in your life, you didn’t know what to do. You were trained to kill people, not to safe them. You had always done what you were told, without asking questions, but you suddenly started to doubt everything you had done. You had never wondered if the men and women you killed were good or bad – whatever that even meant. You had always just assumed that what you did was for the greater good. The greater good of HYDRA, and according to that greater good, Steve was a threat…

You just couldn’t blindly follow orders anymore. Maybe you had felt like this for a long time, but now, on this mission with Steve, you had finally seen the light. What you were doing wasn’t for the greater good. It was awful. It had to stop. Right now.

‘Where are we going?’ Steve asked you, when he had started to realize you were leading him nowhere.

You turned your head towards him, wondering if you should just confess to him who you really were. You only didn’t know if you could handle his reaction if you told him you were baron Strucker’s daughter. The man he had been hunting for the last year. No… you couldn’t tell him. Not yet at least.

You pulled Steve into one of the alleys and looked around you, trying to spot any of the HYDRA agents that had been shadowing you all day. You couldn’t see any of them, but that didn’t mean they weren’t there. You had to be careful with what you told Steve. Both your lives could be on the line.

‘I just wanted to be alone with you. Public displays of affection always make me feel so uncomfortable.’

Steve smiled, seemingly remembering something that happened to him. ‘They do.’

You bit your lip as Steve took a step forward and placed his hand on your cheek. As his face moved closer to yours, you closed your eyes, but just as they were almost completely closed, your eyes caught the barrow of a gun in a window two stories up in the building next to you. A tiny scream welled from your throat, startling Steve and you quickly pretended you had seen a rat.

You faked to sprain your ankle and asked Steve to look if it was alright. He gladly got on his knees for you and pulled off your shoe to see if you hadn’t broken your ankle. You looked around you again, now seeing your father standing in the shadows at the end of the alley, looking at you with a stern and harsh expression. You swallowed hard. He wasn’t going to leave you any choice. You either killed him, or his agents killed you both.

Luckily for you, Steve hadn’t noticed your father – or the agents –  yet. He was still on one knee, looking at your sprained ankle.

‘It seems just fine,’ he said, putting your shoe back on and pushing himself off the ground, ‘but if it still hurts in the morning, you’d better go see a doctor.’

‘I will… Steve?’

‘Yeah?’ he smiled, taking you in his arms again, stroking the hair out of your face.

‘I’m sorry…’ you whispered, taking in a deep breath and closing your hand around the syringe in the pocket of your jacket.

‘About what?’ he frowned, pressing a small kiss on your lips.

‘For this,’ you swallowed hard, pulling the syringe out of your pocket and pressing the needle deep into the vein in his neck.

Steve’s pupils widened as the fluid entered his bloodstream. He pushed you from him, unto the ground, reaching for the needle in his neck, but it was already too late. The syringe was empty.

He looked at you with a confused gaze as he slowly dropped on his knees. His steady breathing turned in to heavy, ragged breaths and he gasped for air while you crawled towards him.

‘Why?’ he whispered, his eyes red and his face turning purple.

‘I had no choice.’

Your father appeared from the shadows and laid his hand on your shoulder. ‘Good job.’

‘Strucker…’ Steve hissed, looking up at your father angrily.

You bit your lip, trying not to cry, but you could feel the tears burn behind your eyes. Steve put his hands on the ground, trying to stay upright, but he weakened with every passing second. He grabbed his chest in agony and looked up to you again as your father walked away.

‘I’ll meet you in the car, [Name].’

You didn’t say anything. You just looked at Steve, who gazed up to you with more pain and sorrow than you had ever seen before. You knew he felt betrayed. You knew, because that was how you would feel.

Steve fell to the ground completely and rolled on his back, trying to breath normally.

‘Just give in to it,’ you whispered. ‘It will hurt less…’

Steve bit down on his teeth hard, looking at you angrily. ‘I trusted you…’ he panted. ‘I even… I…’

You could see he was struggling to hold on. By now he had probably lost control of his body and he would stop feeling his legs and arms. Soon, however, he would stop feeling anything.

You bend over him, whispered something in his ear and pressed a kiss on his cheek. The light in his eyes had however already dimmed and you could only hope he had heard what you had said. You pushed yourself from the ground and wiped the tears from your face. You didn’t want to let your father see you cry.

You composed yourself and made yourself return to the same emotionless state as you had been in when the day had started. You opened the door and stepped inside the car.

‘Is it done?’ your farther asked coldly, starting the engine.

You nodded. ‘It is done.’

‘The Captain is dead?’

You swallowed hard, looking outside the car window, seeing Steve’s motionless body lying on the cold, hard ground, his eyes looking up to the darkening sky. You would have to live with your actions and the consequences they would have.

‘Yes. The Captain is dead…’


In another life,
I would be your girl,
We keep all our promises,
Be us against the world .
























EXTENDED ENDING

Steve watched Baron Strucker walk away, towards the black Mercedes that hadn’t been there before. He could now clearly see the agents that had been hiding in the buildings around him. How could he have been so stupid? He should have known there was something wrong. You were too beautiful, too smart, too… everything. Because of his own carelessness he was going to die.

You didn’t say a word. You just looked down on him with a mixed gaze of confusion and sadness, but Steve knew it was just one of the many parts you had learned to play over the years. He had heard about you; the baron’s daughter. Not many good things, but you were the best there was and you had proven that today. He had totally believed you. He had hung on your lips, listened to your every word. He had trusted you and he had even… yes, he had even started to fall for you.

Steve looked back at you, with all the pain, sorrow and anger he felt inside. He wanted you to feel how he felt right now. Angry, sad, but above all… betrayed.

He wanted so badly to hold on, but he just didn’t have the strength anymore. He started to lose feeling in all his limbs and soon he would probably lose all feeling. His arms could no longer hold his weight and he fell to the floor. He rolled on his back, trying to keep breathing, but he didn’t know how much longer he would be able to hold on.

‘Just give in to it,’ you whispered. ‘It will hurt less…’

Steve bit down on his teeth hard, looking at you angrily. ‘I trusted you…’ he panted. ‘I even… I…’

Steve felt himself slipping away. He couldn’t move anymore. He could only move his eyes. He tried to say something, but his lips refused. He thought this was the end. His life would be over and he realized he hadn’t accomplished anything he was proud of. He had of course saved America more than once, but he hadn’t gotten what he wanted more than anything: a family.

After a few seconds he was still breathing and the pressure on his chest disappeared. The pain faded away. Was he still alive? He looked at you, while you were still staring at him. Yes, he was definitely still alive.

Your chest was moving up and down quickly and you were playing with something in your hand. Steve didn’t understand what was going on, looking at the syringe in your hand. You broke the needle off and threw the syringe behind you, making sure no one saw it.

‘Come find me,’ you whispered in his ear as you bend over him. ‘The ketamine will be out of your system within thirty minutes.’ You pressed a kiss on his cheek and pushed yourself from the ground, walking away from him and towards the car.

Steve watched you step into the car, turning your head at him one last time, until you drove off into the sunset, leaving him alone as he slowly started to feel his fingers and toes again. Steve was still trying to figure out what that meant. Did you just safe his life?

After twenty minutes of lying motionless on the cold, hard ground, the agents that had been watching him, finally left and after another ten minutes – you had been accurate about the reaction time of the drug – Steve was able to push himself from the ground. He still felt a bit dizzy. He hadn’t been drunk in a long, long time, but that was the best way to describe how he felt.

He stumbled to the side of the road and watched the dark blue horizon. The night had fallen over Washington. Steve hadn’t died. He would live to see another day. Another day in which he could hunt down the remaining HYDRA agent, of which you were one.

Steve told himself he would come find you. He still didn’t understand what had happened and why you had saved his life, but he had to see you again. How much his head told him he shouldn’t go after you – to just forget about what had happened – he just couldn’t get you out of his heart. It didn’t matter where you’d run or how long it would take him. He would find you.


In another life,
I would make you stay,
So I don't have to say you were,
The one that got away.