Until we go down (Steve x Reader) Final part

Was there life after death? You wondered. A bright light was surrounding you, but you couldn’t tell whether you were alive or not. Maybe this was what it felt like to be dead… Your body didn’t seem to be your own anymore, feeling so light that it could no longer be on steady ground. Maybe your soul had left your body and you were on your way to heaven. That would explain the numbing feeling spreading through your body.

Something heavy was pulling you down however. You felt a heavy burden weighing on your chest and you fought to break free. You didn’t want to lose the peaceful feeling that had been spreading through your soul.

With your last strength you pulled free, opening your eyes. An even brighter light blinded you and a loud beeping sound echoed in your ears.

‘She’s back!’ someone cried out next to you. ‘Quickly, put the anesthesia into the drip.’

You looked around you, seeing several men and women around you, wearing doctor’s uniforms. One of them was holding a defibrillator and you swallowed hard, realizing you had died for a short moment.

You felt a cold breeze caress your skin and it wasn’t until then that you noticed you were in an operating room. The doctor beside you was holding his arms in the air, a little knife lay in his hands, blood dripping down his arms. Your blood.

Your heart was beating uncontrollably in your chest and the nurses next to you pushed you into the hard bed you were lying on, trying to prevent you from pulling the wires from your arms. Your body still didn’t feel like your own, but you started to panic, seeing bags of blood hanging above your head.

You tried to speak, but a blue cap was put over your mouth and the nurse rubbed your arm softly.

‘We need to continue the operation now, before her artery starts bleeding again.’

You felt yourself slowly slipping away, as the surgeon bowed over you again, asking one of the nurses to give him a clip. You fought to stay awake, but as a shot of pain went to your chest, you had no choice but to give in to the lingering sleep.

As the darkness took you in again, you could only hope you would wake up to see another day.




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A continuous clinging sound echoed through the hospital room. Steve was sitting in a chair next to your bed for several hours now, slamming his watch against the side of the metal bed. A hollow feeling spreading through his stomach as he looked at the bed. It was empty.

A few minutes ago your heart had stopped and doctors and nurses had come rushing into the room. Steve had screamed and cried, begging them to save your life, to bring you back to him. He still felt your soft lips against his and he couldn’t believe he had lost you. For good this time.

The doctors had transported you into surgery and that was where you still were. He wasn’t allowed inside and Natasha had told him it was best to just wait in your room. The waiting was driving him crazy however and he didn’t know what to do with himself. He rubbed his hands together and sighed for the tenth time in just a minute.

He replayed what had happened in his mind over and over, wondering if he could have done something to save you. The look you had given him when Rumlow had pointed his gun at you, still send shivers down his spine. It had been a look of regret, sorrow and acceptance. You had known you were going to die and you had been okay with it. But he wasn’t. Not now you started to remember again.

‘Captain Rogers?’ someone called out for him.

Steve looked up from his hands and turned to the doctor that was standing in the door opening. He was still wearing his surgical robe and Steve imagined your blood was still clinging to his hands. Steve pushed himself from the chair and walked towards the doctor, feeling his heart beat uncontrollably in his chest.

‘We did all we could,’ the doctor said, swallowing hard.

Steve nodded, tears filling his eyes. He knew what the doctor wanted to say, but clearly had trouble with. He almost couldn’t believe it himself.

You were dead...







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*Several months later*

Steve was kneeling before a gravestone, caressing the letters that were carved into the cold marble. He couldn’t believe he was standing here. He wished he would have had more time.

‘She was an amazing woman,’ someone said from behind him.

Steve nodded. ‘She was. I wish I could have been there for her. At the end I really thought she remembered again.’

A warm hand closed around his shoulder and Steve pushed himself from the ground. He had loved and lost a lot of people in his life. Another one was added to that list. There was no escaping the truth, and the truth hurt.

He wiped the tears from his face and placed the single, red rose he had bought earlier, against the gravestone. He turned around and sighed.

‘Are you alright?’

Steve nodded, swallowing hard, knowing it was probably for the best. No one should have to live without their memories. He didn’t know how it felt, but he did know what it was like to lose a life in the blink of an eye. The difference was that he had never lived it.

‘Time will heal all wounds, right?’ Steve responded, rubbing his hands together, trying to get warm again.

‘I certainly hope so. I have two bullet wounds that definitely could use some healing.’

Steve laughed softly, looking at you as you took his hand in yours. You had insisted on coming with him to Peggy’s grave and he was glad that you had. He didn’t know if he could have done it without you.

Steve had thought the worst when the doctor had come to him in the hospital, now several months ago. He had thought you had died. The doctor however, hadn’t been done talking. They had done all they could and were waiting for you to wake up again. When the doctor had told him the operation was a success and you would full recover, Steve had been over the moon. He had almost pushed the doctor aside to rush over to you. He had been able to restrain himself, knowing they wouldn’t let him near you until you were out of the ER.

When you were, he had been by your side until you woke up. For the first five minutes you didn’t know who he was or where you were, but slowly your memories had returned again. All your memories.

A soft kiss found his lips and he looked down, seeing you smiling at him. His thoughts had taken him away from reality again, but you were always there to pull him back.

He closed his arms around you and pulled you in his embrace. ‘I’m glad you are here with me. It means a lot to me.’

‘Of course,’ you replied, caressing his cheek. ‘You were there for me, and I will always be there for you.’

Steve smiled, pressing a kiss on your lips. He couldn’t express in words how good it felt to have you this close, to call you his and his alone. He was still scared sometimes, however. Rumlow and the Baron were still out there and he didn’t know he could handle losing you again.

‘What’s on your mind?’ you asked, as you were walking back to the main road. You laid your head on his shoulder and rubbed is arm, clearly noticing he was worrying about something.

‘I was just thinking about what has happened the past few months. We’ve gotten very close in just a few months, but I care a lot about you. I can’t bear the thought of losing you.’

‘I care about you too, Steve,’ you said lovingly, pressing a kiss on his cheek.

‘I won’t let them hurt you again. HYDRA has to be stopped.’

‘Neither will I,’ you responded, trying to calm him down. The anger was boiling inside him again, thinking about everything he had lost because of HYDRA. Everything they had taken from him. Things he would never get back. ‘We’ll get them, Steve. Every single one of them.’

Steve nodded, smiling at you. You knew exactly how he felt and you shared his concerns. All you had to do now, was find Bucky. Steve hadn’t had any luck finding him with Sam, but maybe with your help – since you knew how it felt to have HYDRA mess with your mind – he would finally be able to find his long lost friend.

‘Natasha and Clint are waiting,’ you said. ‘We’d best leave now. Fury expects us back by morning.’

‘I wish everything was different,’ Steve sighed, looking at you as you made your way back to the city. ‘Don’t you ever wonder what it would have been like to live a normal life?’

‘I do…’ you mumbled, ‘but then I realize that I would have never met you. Knowing you is enough for me to accept everything that has happened. I love you, Steve.’

‘I love you too. With all my heart.’

Steve kissed you passionately and in that moment no one and nothing else existed but you and that kiss. You both wished it could be like this forever, but you also knew you served a greater propose.

You regained your walk towards Natasha and Clint that were waiting for you in a café in Washington. The sun was slowly setting, spreading a warm, red glow through the streets. You didn’t know what the future would bring and you could as well be dead before the night would fall. Whatever where to happen though, you’d stay together until the end.




THE END...