We found love (Bucky x Reader)

Bucky was sitting on a bench near the winter wonderland that had been put up in Central Park, New York. He was wearing blue jeans, a black shirt, a grey jacket and a cap. He had tucked his hair behind his ears and was observing the people skating on the ice. He had been coming here every day now for a couple of weeks. It made him feel relaxed. He could think more clearly. Slowly his memories started to return again.

He had however never set foot on the ice before. Afraid people would see his metal hand, which he had tucked away in the pocket of his jacket, wearing gloves to be sure. Even though he couldn’t feel anything with his metal arm, he could still feel the pain sometimes.

He had been living in abandoned buildings throughout New York, making sure no one saw him or alerted the police. He hadn’t had one night of rest however. Nightmares kept him awake most of the night. He guessed it was Gods way of punishing him. His food and drinks he stole from supermarkets. He hadn’t washed himself properly in weeks, but he was too scared to hide in a building with running water or a heater. Other people would be there, and he didn’t do well with others.

After a few hours night fell again and all the lights went on. He smiled a little, hearing the oeh’s and ah’s coming from the people standing on the ice. Couples were holding hands, kissing under the beautiful sparkles. Bucky sighed, realizing he would never have that again.

A man came walking up to him, a phone stuck to his ear. He took a seat next to Bucky, but didn’t seem to notice he was there.

‘I know,’ the man said. ‘I know it has been four dates already, but she just won’t give me any. I leaned in for a kiss on the last date, but she just shrugged it off. I know! Ridiculous right! How much longer is she gonna make me wait? Oh, hold on…’ The man put the phone from his ear, covering it with his hand. ‘I’ll be right back!’ he yelled at you, standing at the edge of the ice, smiling at him. ‘Work is killing me!’

Bucky looked at you biting your lip, looking sad, as the man next to him continued his phone call again. He would have happily punched the guy in the face for treating you like that, but he knew that wouldn’t solve anything. Instead he decided to walk up to you and keep a close eye on you to make sure the man you were dating wasn’t going to hurt you.

Bucky walked around the ice, his hands still in his pockets, but his eyes focused on you. You twirled around a couple of times, moving graciously across the skating range. He thought you were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Or at least he could remember to have seen. He followed you while you were skating further and further.

‘Tell me,’ you suddenly spoke to him. ‘Is he talking to his wife?’

Bucky swallowed hard, not prepared for you asking him questions. Maybe he had been following you around to obviously.

‘You don’t have to say anything… I already knew something was wrong.’

Bucky shook his head. ‘No… he…’

‘He’s mad because I won’t sleep with him, isn’t he.’

Bucky nodded, now walking with you instead of following you.

You sighed, looking at the mysterious man that had been following you around the ice for the last five minutes. You weren’t sure whether to think it was creepy or sweet. Underneath the beard, long hear and cap, you thought he must be handsome. He sounded handsome and his blue eyes seemed to look right through you.

‘Do you come here often?’ you asked, wondering who he was and what he was doing here.

Bucky nodded again, watching your every move.

‘You’re the silent type, aren’t you. That’s okay. I’m the talkative type…’

Bucky smiled at those words. ‘I’m just not used to talking anymore…’

‘That can be easily fixed!’ you cried out, skating to the exit of the range and gesturing Bucky should help you get off the ice.

Bucky quickly offered you his hand, not even thinking about anyone seeing his metal arm anymore. He was too busy thinking about how easy it was too like you.

‘Help me get these things off my feet, will you?’ you asked him sweetly while you seated yourself on one of the benches and stretched your legs out in front of you.

Bucky did as he was asked and walked with you to get your shoes back. He looked over his shoulder to the man you had been dating. He was still sitting on the bench, talking to one of his friends.

‘What about your date?’ Bucky asked, as you took him by the arm and dragged him further into the park.

‘You mean the guy that desperately wants to sleep with me?’

Bucky nodded.

‘I don’t know,’ you sighed. ‘He won’t miss me. I’m starting to think I’m not good at this whole dating thing. Every guy I’ve been on a date with just wanted to have sex with me… Be honest with me. Is it me?’

Bucky swallowed hard, wondering if he should tell you he thought you were the most beautiful woman he had ever met. He didn’t want to scare you off, so he decided to just stick with shaking his head.

You laughed. ‘So you don’t want to have sex with me?’

Bucky snorted, smiling a little. He cleared his throat and turned his head to look into your eyes. ‘When did this turn into a date?’

You bite your lip. ‘You’re right. I’m getting ahead of myself. Why don’t you buy me coffee first?’

Bucky evaded his gaze, knowing he didn’t have money to pay for anything. Maybe this had been a bad idea. Maybe he should just go back to the bench and observe again. What was he thinking anyway, following you?

‘Oh…’ you whispered. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… you just seem…’

‘Don’t worry about it. Let’s just say I’m in between houses at the moment.’

You smiled at him, thinking that was a positive way to look at it. ‘Do you want to go back to my place?’

‘What?’ Bucky frowned suspiciously. ‘Why?’

‘You just seem like you could use a shower and a warm bed to sleep in.’

Bucky sighed. ‘Is it that obvious?’

‘You don’t smell or anything…’ you chuckled. ‘But I would really hate myself if I let you sleep on the street after you saved me from Eric.’

‘I wouldn’t want to impose myself…’ Bucky said, but thinking he really could use a hot shower and some clean clothes perhaps.

‘Don’t be stupid. I have an extra bedroom. You can sleep in there. Please, at least for tonight. I’m [Name] by the way.’

Bucky nodded, already feeling the hot water on his skin. ‘My name is…’ he tried to remember his name, but he could only remember the man from his dreams call him… ‘Bucky.’

‘Okay then, Bucky. Let’s go to my little castle. It’s getting rather cold outside.’

Bucky followed you outside the park. You talked some more on your way to your apartment, but he didn’t really knew what he should tell you. There was not much he remembered and everything he did remember was probably best not to tell you.

When you led Bucky into your apartment, you could immediately see he felt a lot better. The warmth of the central heating would probably do him a lot of good. Even though you had taken off everything but your dress, Bucky still had his jacket and gloves on. You didn’t know what had happened to him, but you could see great sorrow in his eyes.

‘I’ll put on the shower for you. I must have a box somewhere with clothes that used to belong to my bother. I think they would fit you.’

‘Used to?’

You nodded sadly. ‘He was an agent at S.H.I.E.L.D.. He got killed when the building was attack…’

A great emptiness spread through Bucky’s body. Had he caused your brother’s death? He could only hope he hadn’t. Something however told him he had.

A tear rolled over your cheek thinking about your dead brother. He had been dead for almost half a year now, but it still felt like yesterday that he walked through your shared apartment. He didn’t want you to live on your own.

A ‘pretty’ girl like yourself on her own, that could never be safe… He had said many times.

Even though you would have never admitted it at the time, you loved living with him. It made you feel safe.

You woke up from your strain of thought as you felt Bucky’s warm hand on your shoulder. You quickly wiped the tears from your face and smiled sadly.

‘It’s okay,’ you whispered. ‘He would have wanted you to have them. I’ll go find the box. You can leave your clothes in the bathroom when you’re done. I will wash them for you. When you leave again you can take them with you.’

Bucky nodded gratefully, still not understanding what he had done to deserve such kindness. He waited for you to return with the box, walking around the apartment, looking at pictures of you and your brother. Bucky didn’t remember his face, but he knew that didn’t mean anything.

‘I got it!’ you cried out. ‘Here…’ you handed him the box and opened it, showing him the several pants, shirts and underwear that were inside the box. ‘I think there is also some shaving cream and a razor in there somewhere, if you would want to… you know… shave..’ you smiled.

You opened the bathroom door and showed him how the shower worked and where you had stored the towels. When you were sure he got everything he needed, you left him alone to take a shower.

You retreated yourself to your bedroom and let yourself drop onto your bed. You heard Bucky turn on the shower and you smiled thinking you had done a good deed today. You turned on the TV and zapped channels until the shower turned off again. You watched the news until you heard the bathroom door open and you couldn’t control your curiosity. You made your way over to the hall way, finding Bucky closing the door behind him.

His face was neatly shaven and he had even taken the time to cut his hair shorter. His blue eyes popped even more with the long sleeved sweater, that once had been your brother’s, he was wearing. The blue jeans fit him nicely and as he turned his gaze to you, a smile curling his lips, you felt a weird hollow feeling spreading through your stomach.

Bucky was still wearing the gloves he had worn before, but you didn’t pay attention to them. You were more focused on his face and how handsome you thought he looked.

‘I used your scissors, if your don’t mind,’ he said, going through his now short hair with his hand.

You shook your head. ‘I… I don’t mind.’

‘Good… I think I will be going to sleep now. I haven’t slept in a few days and I don’t want to overstay my welcome.’

‘Okay… Goodnight then?’

‘Goodnight, [Name]. Thanks… thanks for everything.’

‘Don’t worry about it.’

Bucky walked into your brother’s old bedroom and closed the door behind him. You walked over to the bathroom and opened the door. It was still steamy from the shower Bucky had taken. He had cleaned everything up and it almost seemed like he had never been there, besides the dirty clothes he had left behind as you had told him to. You quickly put them in the washing machine and hopped under the shower yourself.

After half an hour you lay in your bed again, your hair still wet, but you didn’t want to wake Bucky up by using the hairdryer. You remembered how much your brother had hated it when you did that. You watched TV quietly for 15 minutes until there was nothing left you wanted to watch. Your eyes felt heavy and within several minutes you had fallen asleep.

You woke again from a loud scream coming from your brother’s room. In your short pajamas you ran towards the room and pulled it open quickly. You could see Bucky was having a nightmare. You ignored the huge hole he had punched in the wall.

‘Bucky!’ you yelled. ‘Bucky, wake up. You’re having a nightmare.’

When you reached him, you could feel the sheets were completely soaked with cold sweat. You lay your hand on his arm to pull him out of his dream. The sweat on his bare chest glistened because of the moonlight that shone through the window. You didn’t see the shimmer of his metal arm in time to duck from his grasp.

Within seconds his metal hand had closed around your throat, making it impossible for your to breath. You tried to get your fingers between the cold metal and your neck, but it was no use. He squeezed even harder when you scratched at his arm.

‘Bucky!’ you cried out, your voice nothing but a whisper.

Tears were running down your face as you looked into Bucky’s cold, blue eyes. They were filled with hatred and it was all aimed at you, or so you thought.

When you almost lost consciousness, your cries had finally reached Bucky. His expression changed as he looked at your purple face and blood-red eyes. He slowly let go of you and backed away from you as far as possible. Shaking his head and seemingly trying to pull every hair from his head.

As you lay on the floor catching your breath, you could do nothing but stare at his bare chest and metal arm. You remembered how cold it had felt against your skin and the strength it had. If he wanted to he could kill you with one blow. Slowly you were starting to remember where you had seen the mark on his arm before.

Just after you had gotten the news of your brother’s death, you had turned on the TV seeing the first picture of the man that had killed your brother. The picture had never left your memory. The picture of the Winter Soldier. You would however also never forget the man that was cradling himself back and forward in the corner of your brother’s room. The man you now knew to be the same man that had killed your brother. You could however only feel sorrow and compassion for him. He was nothing like you had imagined him to be.

You were rubbing your sore neck when Bucky had finally calmed down and dared to look at you again.

‘Did… did I hurt you?’ he whispered, wiping the dried tears from his face.

You removed your hands from your neck, revealing the bruises he had made.

‘I’m so sorry, [Name]…’

‘About what?’ you swallowed hard, trying not to cry. ‘Killing my brother or almost killing me?’

‘I…’

‘Don’t try to pretend you don’t remember…’

‘It’s best if I leave,’ Bucky said, pushing himself off the floor.

‘No!’ you cried out. ‘You can’t leave. Not until you tell me why…’

Bucky got your brother’s sweater from the chair next to the bed and pulled it over his head. He quickly put on the jeans that also used to belong to your brother, but you couldn’t care about that. You just wanted to know why your brother had to die.

‘He was in my way…’ Bucky whispered.

‘In your way of what?’

‘My mission…’

‘Your mission?’

‘It’s complicated, [Name]. I was… I am…’ Bucky sighed, letting his hand slide over his metal arm, not knowing what to say. ‘But I’m not that man anymore. I never will be. I am sorry for what I have done to your brother. To you. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t.’

You pushed yourself from the floor and listened to what Bucky had to say. For all that he had done you wanted to hate him. For the pain he had caused  you and others you wanted so badly to hate him, but you couldn’t. The great sorrow still lay in his eyes. You knew, you felt, he was in more pain than you could even imagine.

‘I will leave you alone now,’ Bucky said, swallowing hard. ‘I can never give you back what I have stolen from you, but you must believe me when I say that I am sorry. For everything.’

You nodded, while you watched him walk towards the door. He looked at you sadly as tears were rolling over your cheeks. Just as he was about to walk out of the apartment you cleared your throat.

‘Don’t leave…’ you whispered softly. You didn’t even think he had heard it, until he turned around and the expression in his face changed.

‘What?’

You bite your lip. ‘Please… stay.’

He looked at you intensely, his eye shifting over your face. He walked back to you again and stopped before you. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘Neither do I…’

You took his hand in yours and placed it at your waist. His metal hand followed almost instantaneously. A shiver went down our spine as the cold metal made contact with your skin, but you didn’t care. Bucky pulled you closer to him slowly, until there was no space between you anymore. You could feel his heart beat against your chest.

‘I…’ Bucky started.

‘Shh…’ you lay your finger against his lips and folded your hand around his neck.

You felt his steady breathing against your skin. His lips lingered on yours, until he dared press a kiss on them. You felt the hollow feeling in your stomach again and pressed your body even closer to his.

When the kiss was over you were both out of breath. You smiled against his lips, letting his forehead rest against yours.

‘I’m not usually like this,’ you said. ‘but I… I don’t know.’

Bucky stared into your eyes, trying to figure out if this was some sort of dream. As he felt your warm skin against his, he knew he wasn’t going to wake up somewhere in a cold, empty warehouse. This was real. You were real. But how? Why?

‘Can I ask you something?’

You nodded, letting your hands slide from his neck.

‘Why? You know what I have done… Why would you still… you know… like me?’

‘My bother used to say that everyone deserves a second chance, no matter what they have done. When he was still alive I told him he was naïve. People don’t change… once a criminal, always a criminal. But he was just trying to tell me that good people do bad things sometimes. When I look into your eyes I don’t see the monster everyone makes you out to be. I see someone that is in pain and needs a friend… It would be a betrayal to my brother to ignore what I feel when I’m around you…’

Bucky smiled a little, thinking for the second time in one night about what he had done to deserve you.

‘It’s hard to explain.’

‘No, I understand,’ Bucky said, stroking the hair out of your face, ‘but I don’t want you to do this because you feel sorry for me or feel guilty about…’

‘I’m not. Trust me. My brother would kill you if he knew you had kissed me. No matter what his believes were.’

Bucky pulled you closer to him again. ‘I would have liked to see him try…’

‘So would I,’ you sighed. ‘So would I.’

Bucky pressed a soft kiss on your lips and for the first time you thought you saw a sparkle of happiness in his eyes. ‘What will happen now?’ he asked you.

‘Well, first thing tomorrow you’re going to fix that hole in the wall…’ you smiled.

Bucky snorted. ‘That’s not what I meant.’

‘I know what you meant, Bucky, it’s just my way of saying that you are welcome to stay for as long as you want. Just don’t try to kill me again…’

Bucky looked at you painfully, remembering what he had done just half an hour ago. ‘Maybe it’s better if I leave. I don’t want to hurt you again.’

‘Why don’t you try sleeping in bed next to me. Maybe that will calm you down.’

‘I can’t, [Name]… The further away I am from you, the safer you are.’

You shook your head, taking his hand in yours. ‘I don’t want to be away from you…’

You pulled him towards your bedroom and jumped up the bed, waiting for him to follow your example. He looked at you doubtfully, until he started to pull his sweater over his head again and loosened the buttons on his jeans.

‘Are you sure about this?’ Bucky whispered, before crawling into bed with you.

‘A hundred percent…’

When he was finally in the bed, you nested yourself against his side. He wrapped his arm around you and you could hear his heart beat in his chest.

‘I have never done this before,’ you said, looking up to him. ‘I’m sorry if I seem all clumsy.’

Bucky smiled, pressing a kiss on your forehead. ‘Neither have I…’

Your eyes felt heavy again and with the sound of Bucky’s rapid heartbeat you slowly fell asleep.

Bucky held you firmly in his arms, afraid that if he would let you go he would wake up from a dream, even though he knew that wouldn’t happen. He had finally found a place again where he belonged. Maybe he should start to look out for the man in his dream… Steve?

Bucky listened to your steady breathing for several minutes, until he finally fell into a dreamless sleep. With you by his side he would never have a nightmare again.




***** EXTENDED ENDING *****


When you were sure Bucky was asleep you wriggled yourself from his tight embrace. Before you left the room you made sure he was really asleep. You walked over to the kitchen and opened the small pantry. You stepped inside and closed the door. You made sure you locked it from the inside before walking further into the small space and pressing the panel at the end. The panel slid away and revealed a hidden part of the house.

You swallowed hard walking in. Your phone was laying on the table next to your guns. You clicked on the first speed dial and waited for the person on the other end of the line to pick up the phone.

‘Agent [Last Name]… Have you secured the target?’

You were quiet for a few seconds, thinking about Bucky, who was sleeping in your bed peacefully. With one of your colleagues you had pretended to be a girl in need. Not a word of what you had told Bucky was a lie. Your brother had died during the attack on S.H.I.E.L.D. and Bucky most certainly was the one that had killed him. But somehow it still felt like your were tricking him, and in some way, you were.

When you had first seen him walking up to you, you could almost not believe it was the same man that had killed your brother. But the plan had worked and your colleague – who wasn’t really named Eric – has played his part well. You were only starting to doubt your part. Did you play it well or were you really starting to have feelings for him?

When you were done with the phone call you quickly sneaked back into your bedroom, finding Bucky twisting in your bed. You smiled as you crawled into bed again and felt his muscled relax as you nested yourself next to him.

‘Where did you go,’ he moaned, wrapping his arm around you again.

‘I had to go the bathroom,’ you whispered. ‘Don’t worry. I won’t leave you.’

Bucky pressed another kiss on your forehead and fell asleep again. You still lay awake several minutes thinking about the conversation you had had with your boss.

‘Agent [Last Name]… Have you secured the target?’

‘I have.’

‘Can I tell the captain not worry anymore?’

‘Tell the captain…' you sighed. 'Tell Steve Bucky is safe, for now.’

‘Well done, [Name]. Steve knows what the Winter Soldier has done to your brother. He wouldn’t have asked this of you if it wasn’t important.’

‘I know, Nick… I know…’